I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
