I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
