the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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