If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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