Where did you get a picture of my penis
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
