big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
