Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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