we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
