you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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