she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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