I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
