I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
