i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
