I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
