She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
