i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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