those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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