Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
