i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
