Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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