I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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