Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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