Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
