I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
