I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
