RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
