You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize