No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
