He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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