my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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