Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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