so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
