ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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