I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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