The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
