That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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