Apparently you make a good broom.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
