A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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