remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
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Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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