Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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