I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
