Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
