Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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