first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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