'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ladies don't puke and tell
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
