Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
