I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
