hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
