forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
