Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
