with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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