i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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