Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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