I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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