Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
