Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
