I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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