you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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