I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
