remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
