Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
