I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
