IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
