I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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