he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
