Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
