The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
