Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
