I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
